Being the Will of God

“For This Is the Will of God, Your Sanctification . . .”   1 Thess. 4:3

The will of God is not about finding the right person, getting the right job, etc., it is about being the man/woman God has call you to be. His will is already revealed in Scripture.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psa. 119:105). Did you know the NT instructs us in over 450 ways of holy obedience? The purpose of obedience is to glorify God. Paul was convinced that he had received grace and his apostleship “to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of His name among the nations” (Romans 1:5).

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“Sexual Atheism”

“Sexual Atheism”

In today’s world, the first sexual experience of most people is a sinful one. It comes in some form of premarital sex, from hooking up to an engaged couple having sex before their wedding date.

A couple that maintains their virginity until their wedding night is rare. Kenny Luck recently posted an article on The Christian Post: “Sexual Atheism: Christian Dating Data Reveals a Deeper Spiritual Malaise.” He reports on a study conducted by, where Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian respondents indicated yes. He goes on to say that nearly nine out of ten self-proclaimed single Christians are in practice, sexual atheists. He defines a sexual atheist as “God having nothing to say to them on the subject of consequence or, at least, anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own course of conduct.”

Some have argued that something so pleasurable could never be wrong or sinful. The Bible is consistently positive about sex within marriage, and completely opposed to sex outside of marriage. Now we live in a world where unlimited sexual activity is now considered an entitlement. The real issue is, from whom are we going to get our instructions from about sexual activity—God, or the world around us?

It is old and forgotten news, but in 1994 U.S. News and World Report and Time magazine both reported on the “most authoritative” survey ever on sex in America. The University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center found that “fidelity reigns.” Married couples have the most sex and are most likely to have orgasms.” “Most couples reported marital bliss in bed; they have sex more often and enjoy it more than singles.” One recent sex study showed that the most sexually fulfilled women in America were conservative Protestants.

It should be obvious, but sex did not evolve, nor was it the result of sin. God designed it and did so for a purpose. Marriage was instituted for the purpose of developing a unique union between one man and one woman, for life. A man and a woman leaving their families of origin “shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God placed sex exclusively in the context of that union. He not only put His stamp of approval on having sex in marriage, but also makes the sexual fulfillment of one’s spouse a personal priority.

“Each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her sexual rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:2, 3). So important is sexual relations in a marriage, that we “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time” (vs. 5). And you must have really good reason for doing so, “that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” Think about what the Word of God is saying: “but then come together again.” Even prayer is not to be so important that you neglect your sexual relationship for an extended time. Sex from God’s perspective is that sexual desire is to be regularly fulfilled at home between a husband and a wife, and never withheld by either spouse.


Who Is in Control?

“Most of us have never really understood that Christianity is not a self-help religion meant to enable moral people to become more moral. We don’t need a self-help book; we need a Savior. We don’t need to get our collective act together; we need death and resurrection and the life-transforming truths of the gospel.” -Counsel From the Cross, by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson

We would all agree that a “sex addict” is controlled by evil desires. More accurately, a sexual sinner is control by what they want. What about the rest of us? Paul said “we all once lived in the passion of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Eph. 2:3). All of us, whatever our family of origin, have this same influential sinful background. We all lived in the passion of our flesh, doing what we wanted. That is, we were controlled by what we wanted. The biblical view is that sin comes from within. Past events may trigger sin, but they don’t create the triggers. We are internally driven by a commitment to carry out our own desires. The desires that controlled us were the desires of the body and the mind. The truth is that those who are not really following Christ are controlled by what they want. Outwardly a Christian, there is no change from the inside out, just a level of external conformity!

Every man wants respect. That desire is often expressed in having a successful career or ministry. Is he controlled by what he wants? Our true motives are not a deep mystery. Wrong motives and desires will never bear the fruit of righteousness. There will be bad fruit exhibited in handling competition, criticism, neglect of wife and family, along with anger and depression. This is the fruit that indicates that the man is controlled by what he wants.

The problem of unfaithfulness also illustrates my point. Betrayal and deception always go together when a spouse is unfaithful. No longer wanting to be deceived, a wife, discovering her husband’s unfaithfulness, wants to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She wants the honest truth, but is she controlled by what she wants?

We all have desires, but sinful desires often disguise themselves as our expectations, felt needs, goals, wishes, and longings. Legitimate desires can conceal the truth that we are ultimately controlled by what we want. When we follow the desires of the body and mind we can fall into sexual sin. But those same desires of the mind can rule a person as strongly as an “addiction.” In fact, legitimate desires for money, reputation, security, love, success, comfort, looks, career, and meaningful marriages are so subtle and deceitful that we easily justify such desires and end up being controlled by what we want.

How do we know if we are controlled by what we want? The wife wants the “honest truth.” Yet once that honest truth is told, despair often increases. “How do I know you are being fully honest with me?” “How do I know you will be honest with me in the future?” If she is being controlled by what she really wants—never to be deceived again—she will not find peace. “A sinful fear is the craving for something not to happen” (David Powlison). What is the true motive of her heart? If a wife wants her husband to change and be sexually pure in order to control her fear—getting what she really wants—she will reveal the true motive and desire of her heart by being manipulative, fearful, angry and suspicious. This is the fruit that is certain indication that she is controlled by what she wants. On the other hand, if her desire is to be faithfully loved by her husband and to have him right with God, she will reveal the “hidden person” in her heart and the “beauty of a gentle quiet spirit as she loves and respects her husband. Such beauty, with love and respect is the fruit that reveals that God is in control.

The problem in the heart isn’t that we want something. We could want something good, something bad. In either case, the core problem is that we demand to have what we want. Everyone who has been betrayed must forgive the past without attempting to control the future so that it never happens again. The desire is right, but being controlled by the desire destroys the relationship. It will put the person in a position of suspicion and fear and leave them spiritually and sexually immature.

I can hear all the objections: “What’s wrong with wanting my husband to be faithful?” There is nothing wrong with desire! No one wants pain, rejection or abandonment. What is wrong is when that desire rules you rather than God. That results in the obvious outward displays of anger, complaining, and despair. Real truth brings peace and contentment in all circumstances. True followers of Christ in difficult circumstances “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work” (Col. 1:10). A husband and wife in the difficult circumstances of marital unfaithfulness can, through the work of God in their hearts, come to see what rules them. They can repent and find God’s grace that brings real change from the inside out. God doesn’t take away our ability to desire. He has promised to change what we really want; to want what He wants. We can have new desires and motives that rule our hearts and dramatically change behaviors and relationships.

Recommended Resources

Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream, by David Platt. This book is radical because it will challenge you to look at how we have manipulated the gospel to fit our needs. What does the Christian lifestyle actually look like? Pastor Platt gives sound biblical answers.

The Sovereignty of God, by Arthur W. Pink. Are you confused about the sovereignty of God? This doctrine is so “diametrically opposed to the natural pride of the human heart” we need to by faith develop it in our hearts as a sound doctrine and then live responsible lives.

Follow Dr. Schaumburg at

Sexual Redemption?

After nearly three decades of helping individuals and couples, and based on a continual study of the Bible, I’ve reached this conclusion: To be spiritually mature, you must be sexually mature; to be sexually mature, you must be spiritually mature. That in brief is the message of my new book Undefiled and the essence of sexual redemption.

Sexual redemption involves more than resolution of sexual problems and challenges. For example, most Christian couples know that God designed fulfilling sex for marriage but many fail to experience it. Trying “seven tips to enhance your love life” may bring some excitement but there’s more to sexuality than romantic techniques. Sexual redemption is larger than a fulfilling sex life in marriage.

And how might sexual redemption relate to childhood sexual abuse? I started my counseling career working with incestuous families and since then have counseled hundreds of men and women sexually abused as children. The violation of another person sexually is very harmful. Forgiving your abuser is an important first step, but there is more to understanding our fragile sexuality than that. Sexual redemption takes us beyond the healing of past wounds and calls us to glorify God spiritually and sexually.

Sexual redemption also addresses any clinging shame related to premarital sex. Of the three thousand people of counseled through our intensive counseling program, 40 percent were in full time Christian work. Yet I estimate conservatively that less than 20 percent were virgins when they married.

Remaining a virgin until marriage, a practice all but lost within the church, is still God’s standard. But being a virgin or a “technical virgin” on your wedding night isn’t all that God intends. Sexual redemption is living spiritually and sexually for a purpose other than a self-seeking agenda.

The way we handle our sexuality and spirituality is meant to show the supremacy of Christ. We know—or we should know—that this is true, but do we really understand it and own it in our hearts? Every person is a sexual being, created in the image of God. Now that sounds inviting, but the truth is we also are all fallen sinners. If we separate our sexuality and spirituality into different compartments, we not only diminish our sexual beauty, our sexual purity, and our sexual meaning but also our very soul. Our soul and our sexuality are profoundly connected, and yet we have lost this correlation between knowing Christ and sexual wholeness.

Knowing Christ is to govern all of our sexuality and all of our spirituality in a way that expresses the image of God and demonstrates that we are walking worthy of our calling. The loss of holy spirituality and holy sexuality brings into question our sexual redemption and whether we know God as we should.

Undefiled is about a full sexuality and a full spirituality that can only be found by finding satisfaction in God and God alone. This book is also about dedicating your sexuality, your spirituality, your life—all for His highest. Sexual redemption begins at the cross, is rooted in a change of heart, and is lived out in a relationship before and after two sinners say “I do.”

There’s no shortcut through the process of acknowledging sin and experiencing redemption. But there’s also no need to think that the process will take years before true change begins! No follower of Christ ever has to say about any problem, “I guess I will always be an addict or trapped in bondage to sin.” No, no, no, no! That is not the message of the gospel.

Let God work. Regardless of how you got to where you are, don’t limit God now because of your fears. Your marriage may be hanging by a thread. I know you may be thinking, We’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. Why should this be any different? Nothing is going to change!

All I ask is that you not limit God. He cares and I can tell you that I have seen incredibly real, lasting change in many, many couples.
So boldly ask the question: “What sexual redemption would I like to see in my life and marriage?”

The above article is an excerpt from Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships (Moody Publishers, 2009).

Undefiled by Harry Schaumburg

Moody Publishers is shipping Undefiled. Order your copy at Tell you friends, pastor and family.

Sexual Redemption: Life Changing Spirituality & Sexuality
by Harry Schaumburg

This is an all new 15 week personal study for individuals and couples based on Undefiled. It is available exclusive at for download.

Keeping the Marriage Bed Undefiled

We all probably know at least one person who has been unfaithful to their spouse, or their spouse has been unfaithful to them. Still, it is hard to get a handle on how many married people have been unfaithful, given the inherent secrecy. Many of the statistics about infidelity floating around the internet are dubious. Some say that as many as 50% of wives and 70% of husbands have cheated on their spouse. The following are statistics I found online:

  • 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
  • 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.
  • Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.
  • 70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity.
  • 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.
  • Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs.
  • Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.
  • About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage.

Statistics are disturbing to read but can be held at arm’s length until they become personal. When a couple becomes part of the statistics and is battling the horror of adultery in their marriage, it is very, very personal and the agony is real. Through the study of scripture and counseling hundreds couples struggling to survive unfaithfulness, I’m convinced that adultery is preventable. I recently taught a seminar for pastors at the Moody Bible Institutes’s Pastor’s Conference: “Keeping Your Marriage Bed Undefiled.” Click the following link to purchase and download this seminar. My book that deals with this subject from a biblical foundation, Undefiled: Redemption from Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships, is available with a pre-order discount on

Pastor Joseph Garlington, Senior Pastor, Covenant Church of Pittsburgh
says this about Undefiled:

“The often quoted saying, ‘When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.’ holds true in this recent work of Dr. Harry Schaumburg. The Church of Jesus Christ is thoroughly enmeshed in one moral crisis after the other, and we have been in desperate need for a truly biblical answer to this crisis. Several thousand years ago, someone said, “…Increased years should teach wisdom.” It is evident that Dr. Schaumburg’s years of experience and his commitment to a thoroughly biblical approach to dealing with this issue has produced a work that shines with penetrating light into the one of the darkest areas of 21st century Christian life. I commend this work as a handbook for study in every church, as a resource to every pastor who has or will face this matter in their ministry and as a diagnostic tool for personal evaluation of one’s own life and walk. No pastor’s library should be without this wonderful tool. If Undefiled is taken seriously, it could produce a sea change in Christian behavior.”