Pornographic Addiction

You’ve done it gain. You looked at pornography on the Internet knowing it’s wrong, but excused and justified your actions to assuage the guilt. You may have asked God to take away the problem and the desire. At times you make some progress, but the behavior keeps happening. God knows the bondage you are in, and you wonder why He would make you this way. Does God really want to see you overcome it? Will your marriage survive if your wife finds out it’s happened again?

Pornography hasn’t always been as accessible as it is today. It used to be an indulgence of the rich and until several years ago, a man had to drive across town, walk into a video store, and ask the store owner where the secret stash was. It’s a different world now; porn is accessible virtually anywhere, anytime, from a laptop to a cell phone. The potential for personal/relational destruction has dramatically increased as frequency and accessibility make it more likely that you will get caught. Increasing numbers of people are losing jobs, marriages and families. The future looks all the more bleak for the next generation when we realize that 90% of 8-16 year-olds have already viewed pornography on the Internet. Many accidentally run into it while doing their homework, but more often, mothers report that their sons are finding evidence of the father’s pornography.

The Scriptures clearly indicate God’s standard for sexual intimacy, which He created specifically and solely as an expression between husband and wife. From Genesis, to the Song of Solomon, to the teachings of Jesus and the writings of Paul, sexual intimacy has a divine purpose that cannot be found in false intimacy. In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, Paul lays out a mutually satisfying and God-glorifying picture of sexual intimacy in marriage. Many Christian couples fall well below that experience. Is there a solution?

In Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus raises the bar higher than His listeners previously thought by declaring that “…everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (vs. 28). Then He states “If your right eye causes you to, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell” (vs. 29). This severe demand shows us the true nature of Jesus’ teaching on the subject and our radical need to solve the problem, and solve it completely. Jesus is not teaching self-mutilation. Your eyes don’t make you look at pornography again and again; the desire comes from your heart and mind. Therefore, just turning and looking away is never going to work. Jesus is saying that the situation is desperate; you could lose everything. The act of adultery must be avoided at all cost, but so must all the things that lead to an attitude of looking.

Real change seems impossible, but with God, all things are possible. Bouncing your eyes, following twelve steps or some form of behavior management is limited at best in conquering the problem and saving a marriage. The solution is based on a number of key elements:

▪ Cease resisting the sovereignty of God in the painful events of our lives, past, present and future.

▪ Come to believe that all lust is a problem of unbelief due to a disregard for God and others.

▪ Recognize the deception of our own hearts.

▪ Kill sin before it kills us.

▪ Identify the self-centeredness of our hearts and understand that it is expressed in many forms besides sexual sin.

▪ Understand the power of self-pity in setting us up for the justification of our sexual sin.
Cultivate a deep love for others in thought and deed.

▪ Accept the verdict that “…if you live according to the flesh you will die” (Romans 8:13).

▪ Believe the prescription that “…if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of body, you will live” (Romans 8:13).

There are many varieties of resources, programs and counselors available. Stone Gate Resources offers a program that has been considered uniquely effective for over seventeen years, especially for those with a history of repeated failure in counseling. The program takes place in a private retreat facility on the front range of Colorado. A person does not need to spend years in counseling or recovery. Lasting change is possible through a program that is biblically grounded, relationally focused, and spiritually challenging. The program includes private counseling, seminars and a comprehensive guided study program.

Copyright 2008 Harry W. Schaumburg. For web posting, please link to this page on our website. Any exceptions must be approved by Harry Schaumburg.

Are We Powerless Over Sexual Sin?

This is an extremely important question. A sound biblical answer is needed if someone wants a foundation for total freedom from sexual sin. Before presenting a biblical view, lets look at the concept of powerlessness within the recovery community. For the sex and love addict, recovery requires that they come to the point of believing, “We admit that we were powerless (emphases added) over our sex and love addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Addictionology teaches that the person has to surrender to the paradox of this understanding; that is, to accept that every attempt to control the sexual behavior actually intensified the problem. The person must give up trying to control the behavior by any means possible and admit they can’t stop it. Continue reading “Are We Powerless Over Sexual Sin?”

Be Spiritually Real Vs. Being in Recovery

I find it very disturbing how prone we are to becoming absorbed in our own spiritual selves. While it may look and sound spiritual, what often passes as spirituality is the expression of our disordered hearts. Every since Genesis, all sin is about getting what we want for ourselves. You see this expressed in our sex lives, our use of money, and our misuse of food among other things. Interestingly, we immediately recognize this hateful nature of evil in others, whether in our child, a friend or our spouse, but often miss the beam in our own eye. Our unruly desires can get us lost in a blinding fog and the darkness of unbelief. Particularly, it is hard to see how self-serving our spirituality has become. The potential for deceit in our spiritual lives is more potent as we strive spiritually to find meaning specifically for ourselves. Continue reading “Be Spiritually Real Vs. Being in Recovery”

Masturbation: It’s a Form of False Intimacy

The Bible doesn’t specifically prohibit masturbation. So is it wrong? Is it a form of false intimacy and therefore a sin? Without a biblical prohibition, many Christians, including some counselors, teachers, and writers have sanctioned the behavior assuming that the practice is not sinful. They see it as neither right nor wrong, but simply permissible when the person is single, unable to have sex with their spouse for a period of time, or needs help in dealing with sexual dysfunction in marriage. A good definition of masturbation is a behavior whereby the person stimulates themselves to orgasm without involving another person. To be clear, a wife or husband manually stimulating their spouse to orgasm is not masturbation. Continue reading “Masturbation: It’s a Form of False Intimacy”

Is It Sexual Addiction or Is It Sexual Sin?

An article in Christianity Today, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” states: Is sexual addiction a disease or simply immoral behavior? Clinical psychologist Bob Hughes speaks for many Christian therapists when he says sex addiction is both a sinful choice and a biological disease. Dr. Harry Schaumburg, with twenty nine years of experience in helping restore sexual purity, disagrees. Addiction does not provide a path to healing because it does not get to the heart of evil. Continue reading “Is It Sexual Addiction or Is It Sexual Sin?”